Petronela (Nela),
First and foremost, I want you to know that this is a letter without repercussion. That does not make it a letter without consequence, however.
No, let me begin again. I find this letter more difficult than others I have written from my vantage outside Myrken and looking back more than looking in. As I am sure you know, I was very close to your sister and somewhat so to your brother. Your mother provided me comfort and succor, often. I could elaborate, but I don't think I have to. I'm sure I play a background role in some of your memories from ten years ago and a different, though not necessarily more prominent, one when it comes to your thoughts of your sister.
Looking back, I had a role in your life as well. It was a brief spark, more so than anything else, warmth with a cost. I won't apologize for that. It helped you light a fire of your own. As terms went, mine were the best you would have ever gotten. It put you at risk, though, a different sort of risk than you'd have just for your last name and where you were born.
In truth, I only know some of what happened that summer. I do know that you were one of those afflicted by Rhaena. Moreso, other than but a few others (your sister and the Brown boy, for instance) you were given special attention. Furthermore, I know some did not recover at all. They came out of the darkness permanently changed either in small ways or in large, some large enough to be uncaring or even thankful for the changes.
Are you well? That's my first question to you. Are you well? If you do not feel yourself to be yourself, then there are those who might help you. If you feel trauma and loss from what has happened, well, my suggestion (unasked for) would be to share that with others. Many have experienced something similar. I dance around this gingerly for I do not know who you are now, for if anyone had not fully recovered, if anyone may still be changed and altered and living for her twisted ideals, it may be you. If that is the case and you are happy, do not think I will necessarily threaten your happiness with this letter alone. Without repercussion as I said. Or perhaps more of such for me than for you.
A few years before that summer, I found myself changed from trauma and youthful foolish decisions, from trying to cope with loss and through giving my heart over to first revenge and then purpose, instead of letting it just be a heart. I found myself changed in the most human and most inhuman ways. When I came to you, coin purse in hand, it had been after the change. My heart had been hollowed. I had lost myself, as you may have been lost yourself or as you may be lost now. By the time I was able to find myself once more, it was too late. I will not apologize for the coin purse, but I will for being uniquely blind to the threat that Rhaena had become. I did not protect you nor Myrken. In fact, I caused, through good intentions fueled by madness, much of what ultimately befall you and yours, albeit indirectly.
I still cannot trust myself fully, for who could after making the mistakes I did and becoming the creature that i became? I would cause your family no more harm and as such, I have not reached out to your sister either, even if she would consider such a notion ridiculous and insulting. I imagine you might understand it better than her. With this letter, I inquire of your health, of your identity and thoughts on the state of things, of your current trade, and in turn offer assistance in both emotional and practical regards. If you do not wish to respond, I understand; in that case, no further letters will come.
Glenn Burnie