Sine Of The Times

[Charan`Jaydemyr]

Bet you feel a right idiot about now, eh?

Goes without saying, Sariana. Still, things are not beyond rectification. I never called her a liar to her face and I never told Quincy what I suspected. That's what mitigates me. That and I am, by definition, a bastard. It's a good response to anything. 'Why O why did you do it, Charan?!" Because I'm a bastard. 'Why did you eat my face?!' Because I'm a bastard. 'Why don't you love me?' Because I'm a bastard. 'Why is the world in such trouble Oh the end is nigh Why, Why WHY?!'

Because you're a bastard?

How quickly you catch on, sis. So now I'm stuck with the very real possibility that she is the answer after all. Let Quincy and the others aid her, if she will permit it. If not, then her request was in vain or at the very least selective and I will return to the warpath. It's a most familiar little road.

You're doing that 'washing my hands of the blood' thing again.

What blood? If the woman's right, then this is the way it must be done. Let her call the shots...She is on speaking terms with the enemy, after all. And what grudge can I bear against this? A faceless foe is so much easier to maintain and overcome...Give him a name, an attitude, a voice and a motive, and suddenly you're caught with the notion that maybe, just maybe, the enemy thinks you're as wicked and nefarious as he. Give him a chance to state his side of things and the lovely black/white dichotomy is torn to shreds as the world fades into grey uncertainty.

As a former member of the Fatherfist sect, brother, I am drawn to note that there is such a thing as absolute truth. Therefore the black/white can still be applied - you just think too much.

Yeah, I know. But look: assuming people fall out of the ability to define right and wrong so easily, then we need to consider the Sine wave.

Er? Uhm...Wha?

I'm talking about battle-lines, sis. People always assume that when the ranks are formed, when MY side is divided from YOURS, there is a clean severance, some sort of defined trench over which we can hurl boulders, spears, spells or, far worse, words. It's just not like that, not with the mere complexity of society and interaction. Draw a line in the sand between people if you want, if you MUST, but it will be a convoluted serpent of constant concessions and double-standards.

And how does this relate to the situation at hand?

Those who should be allying are not. I can't say I know why - that would make me God, and thank...Uhm...Not-Me I'm not. All I know is what I perceive and deduce. I thought the woman a liar and that caused me to act precipitously. Admittedly, her fresher threat of wiping Quincy's mind more than justifies my initial reaction, but that's utterly beside the point, sis. The point is I have no God-damned idea who stands where. And thus, by comparison, I have no idea where *I* stand.

Why stand at all then? Take a seat, watch the chaos unfold. Then eat whoever's left when the spells fade and the ring of steel rolls away.

I made the big friggin' mistake of caring, sis. I can't.

That and you're loving the manipulation. Face it.

Oh yes, there is that, but...If I'm doing good by someone, is still manipulation...Or do we just resign ourselves to 'benevolence' there? Is manipulation always malevolent?

You're confusing manipulation for influence.

Manipulation is influence consciously exerted and applied.

With an attitude like that, it's no wonder the only people who like you around here are a young woman with attachment issues, an elf woman with an agenda of her own and...Well, the ever-bubbly Evalyne. Discard those and you're facing a mountain of enemies, most of whom you've probably made by association. Need I remind you of those three Blood-dependants and the *apparent* victim - Victory, was it?...And you know she knows others...And they, others still. It's a bit late to try and win the game by fiddling with a few pawns when BOTH kings are beyond your sphere, Charan my brother.

...I do what I can, sis. The wave is so hard to read....I stare at the ground and all I see is dirt and drying blood. Is their story written there? Is that what I have to read, remember and then pass on?

Your preoccupation with this 'story' business is what got you into this bloody mess in the first place. My suggestion? Stick to knitting.

You're probably right...But I'm weaving again, aren't I? Back at the bleeding loom, toying with skeins. Little ones, for now...Gods above and below, sister! The only thing worse than being ignored when you think you're right is being noticed when you're not sure.

Times like this that I feel really damned good that I am just a voice in your head. I wouldn't be caught dead as a friend of yours. Ha..Ha.

...And then there's the masked snake. He's made another move, and I didn't have a clue what to do about it. Where does he stand on the Sine? Or are we looking at a circle already?

A triangle?

Oh, don't even!

Just kidding. Kind of. Sorta. Not really.

Whatever the shape, I wish he'd stop playing silly buggers and have a little chitchat with me. At least that way I can discern whether or not I'll need to kill him when this is done. I don't like what I saw him do that night. Not one bit.

You don't like it, so you'd kill everything to do with it?

...There's something more. Something else. I don't like how he makes me feel.

Which is?

....I see what I was when I see him with his swords like that. That makes us kin, somehow...Like he's a reflection of my true self.

In short, when I even think of the Snake, I know things between us are going to get better, and worse...That's the way of siblings....Sister.