by Tolleson » Fri Jan 31, 2014 3:29 pm
Why had she asked Gloria here. The answer was so simple, how could she not see it. It was her nature. When it was wiser or better to run away, she always ran towards, facing problems no matter how ill equipped or naïve. And now there were so many problems, forgetting, swaining, Glenn’s manipulation. She had told Gloria, and told her truthfully, what she needed to know to face the problem logically. She would reiterate it now but the words won’t form, ‘I trust you, tell me what really happened.’
Yes, he has.
He wouldn’t. He couldn’t.
Like Rhaena before he turned her.
Could he?
Noura and Gloria headed to the door and it isn’t until the threat and a firm shut that she realizes they are gone. Unable to tear her attention away from the unfathomable explanation being offered to her. Her beliefs, once a sturdy floor, were quickly failing under the weight of Catch’s words. Even though she sits in the dingy chair, without his direct support she wavers unsteadily. He blindly pushed forward, trying to convince her that Glenn was behind this. But just as he put absolute faith his words, just as Noura knew the redhead to be cruel, and just as Gloria was convinced the world betrayed her, Genny believed in Glenn. And each of their truths put them in conflict with one another.
And now, even more than before, Genny was in conflict with herself. There were too many voices, the petulant Child, the loyal Pie-maker, the Inquisitor. Love the child wailed, friend the pie-maker said softly and sweet, and how, how, how. It was a low, soul sickening, incessant thrum, Reason. How could she know? There are great swaths of time and conversation left blank, voids in the fabric of her memory. And it aches. To be told with certainty you have done a thing and have no recollection, no inkling as to how or why, to know you have caused suffering and cannot make it right.
He’s making you lie. He’s making you swain.
Her eyes fall to him and linger imploringly, could he see into her and witness the struggle inside? A dull green that trembles against the storm that threatens them from within, she strained to keep steady. “W-w-w.. wh-wh-why?” It came almost a whisper, but not pleading or sad, simply curious. Reason had won for the moment, it made no sense for Glenn. Beyond that he wasn’t capable, he had helped her after all. He had purposefully never shared his thoughts. Never taken her hand. At that thought there is a pang of pain for the jealous Child inside if her, vicious and self-deprecating thoughts soon followed, he knows you’re not good enough, not strong enough, he didn’t trust you; Rhaena did all of this and she was far better than you. Not long after the Pie-Maker joined the chorus, of course it is your fault; clumsy girl, you ruin everything, this is your mistake, it must be. Reason’s voice knew better, there were reasons Glenn had loved Rhaena, an understanding and acceptance only age allowed. And she certainly wasn’t Rhaena. But Reason was failing.