Thu Jan 31, 2019 4:24 am
Ainrid,
I begin with an apology. It is not rare that I apologize. It is rare, however, that I apologize to begin. Having traversed in dreams myself, I know firsthand the limitations of communication through the medium. I would stress that this is far more an issue for my people than yours. You and yours are far better versed with symbolic flourishes and gestures than we are. You can project meaning in ways we cannot. Thus, you develop the means to receive and understand that meaning with far greater speed and skill. For us, it often takes ink and paper, deliberation and debate. Certain symbols can be examined for years, which may not be remarkable for you, but for us it is a great undertaking indeed.
(And yes, at this point you begin to wonder when the apology at the beginning will actually begin).
I am more acquainted than some of my fellows (brethren? people?) in these matters, but I am but human, after all. So much of my attention and focus was given to maintaining walls that are not at all natural to my kind, walls that could only be breached from the inside, as you well demonstrated. As such, my control over myself and my behavior was lacking and impolite. Furthermore, and this is a very recent admission that I am more loathe to make than I can quickly express to you, I have developed a tendency to act as She might (a pause to gather the right word: prefer is not it - "be titillated by' has connotations that I do not at all mean. Whatever we are or are not - and you would claim we are nothing at all - it is certainly not that. - I think you might get the idea, however, and I shall simply move on) - this is a weakness on my part; in many ways I am the adult in this situation and I must act as such. I managed to do so for quite a while, certainly until other walls and barricades I had erected were destroyed in a fit of her pique. This experience has reminded me of their importance and of the benefits of distance, though I will admit that I may be too deeply afflicted (through no ill intent of hers) that I will not be able to hold that line as thoroughly as I would like.
I apologize for my outburst. Assuming that was prophecy, I shall also assume you do not get to decide what truth you foresee, though you likely do choose which future you can speak of and which you withhold.
I do not have a healthy relationship with fate. I will apologize for this as well, but only, because unlikely that which I spoke of in paragraphs prior, I have no ability nor in truth any desire to rectify this. I spoke of a possibility in her ultimate victory and how it might end me. Accepting the confines of fate would destroy all that makes me who I am far more thoroughly.
Finally, I cannot have things both ways. I cannot both express that I want nothing and seek nothing and desire nothing and ask for nothing and claim nothing, while at the same time would hold you to your promise that I had earned the boon of questions answered and curiosities sated. I would free you from that allowance but would still ask any number of things about you and your people both because I honestly wish to know. I would understand if you would deny me such answers now, however.
Glenn
Sat Feb 02, 2019 8:55 am
Tue Feb 12, 2019 2:04 am
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