Tue Feb 19, 2019 12:58 am
Mon Feb 25, 2019 3:14 pm
Burnie,
I suspect that you will serve as a cautionary tale for those who seek to ruffle the feathers of The Kestrel, time and again. Our last meeting was fraught with posturing and prose, speeches without anyone to listen and grand gestures that serve no purpose. The pair of us seem destined to sire nothing but regret and animosity towards the other. And yet, almost an entire year after we last spoke, I find this ill-advised correspondance waiting for me at the nearest village.
If you recall, dear Glenn, I made no promise to accompany you to Myrken these many months past. I said maybe. And maybe is neither acceptance nor refusal of your request.
I am well aware that your gamble was crafted of desperation. I will grudgingly admit, you were not alone in that feeling; it clawed at my insides and made my stomach clench to think of a parting especially with no ties to bind us. Our martial commitment was broken and the contract within flames. We could safely stride away without another thought. We are a sorry pair, but we still hold a bond that neither of us can explain. A scrap of actual honesty in compensation for your own.
Perhaps you have not lost everything, after all.
I win many things and quite often; just not for long. Such is the way of life. My version of success is probably in no way aligned with your own, so think no more of it.
For reasons not entirely clear to me, the path of my company draws nearer to your own. I would be able to meet you at the mountain path just in time to travel along your journey as the thaw comes. My men have been absent from their homes and families for years and the King has granted me some time away from my duties. Though, I truly doubt he would be happy to know it would be spent with the failed suitor.
So, tempt me, little mapmaker, while I have time to debate joining your cause.
Tempt me into joining your journey to the sleepy town filled with both survivors and magic; the town that holds so little for me and so much for you.
Will it be enough?
Egris
Thu Feb 28, 2019 2:36 am
Sun Mar 03, 2019 9:09 am
Oh Glenn,
This is all in the past, so what is the harm?
Each and every interaction we two have had in our recalled past has been a game, a spar, or a dance. When we met years ago now, finally face to face, I discovered that you were far more compelling than my prior expectations would have led me to believe. Annoyingly so. I anticipated that, like most leaders of boring little towns, I would offer coin or take what I wanted at the point of a sword. Instead, I found a broken man who marched into battle with only the silver upon his tongue as his chosen weapon. I found a man that had been chewed up and spit out by the inhabitants of the town he loved and still naively saw the best in them. What's more, instead of bowing to the demands of the crown, you engaged with me in an attempt to save them all. You expected more from me than I was willing to grant and that made me woefully curious.
A little truth is what you are after, I assume, so let us continue to be frank.
To be clear, I had certain assumptions, I had clearly miscalculated and I had mere moments to adjust my course. It had been some time since I have been surprised by another individual such as yourself. I had certain illusions, perhaps delusions, of what I wanted from life. I began as my father's property and shifted to a loyal soldier through the most desperate of measures, to a commander of a small, loyal group of men, and I assumed that transition to a leader of a tiny town in the heart of the King's lands would translate perfectly. I discovered instead a proud, worthwhile little town filled with magic with a fragmented leader at its helm. (Let us not do one another a disserve by assuming The Council was any great power.) You held power over them all in your two hands, though you did not want it. Instead of a mere Governor, I met a fellow lost soul that yearned for something bigger and despite my better judgment, I decided an alliance was in my best interest. I may have suggested that it was purely to win over those stubborn people, but a small part in that decision revolved entirely around you.
Bear with me and try not to swoon. I do have a point.
I will always wonder why you actually agreed to give your hand in marriage. Mayhaps it was mere survival for a soul floundering in the absence of his late wife's betrayal. Perhaps you saw hints of the same desperate creature you saw in the mirror. Maybe you merely thought I would be good for Myrken. I doubt that you would ever tell me the truth in this matter, so I'll avoid asking. I wouldn't want to disappoint us both by forcing you to lie to me. It matters not given that our arrangement is now embers in your hearth.
To answer one of your many questions because you are an insufferable child about them, a relationship built of antagonism mingled with cautious, grudging affection that neither of us quite understand - that is enough. I have accepted that we are both broken individuals that will likely be unable to transition to anything more than what we are. What we have been, I mean. I'm not certain that we are anything to one another, now, as much as you like to argue the contrary.
Now that is where this heartfelt truth ends. I have indulged you enough. Honest vulnerability has never been a strong suit of mine; give an inch and most take so much more. You are no exception; you ask much of me, but give nothing in return. You are correct that you did not aim to provoke with your questions, but you did ask for a certain measure of truth without giving any of your own as collateral. From here on out, you will answer your own questions, Burnie, and I will follow suit in return.
You ask me what I really want and I ask you to be clear. Do you wish to know what I want from you? From life? From Myrken? I may have substance, as you suspect, but why are you alone worthy to have that knowledge? This time, your letter darkened my doorstep instead of the reverse. What is it that you want from me? Other than a companion on your travels, of course, which seems a poor excuse at best.
Why do you seek to return to Myrken now, after so much time? I understand your cause as much as you've explained. As far as I understand, you seek to bring more than mere survival to a town that seems unlikely to thank you for it. And out of the goodness of your heart, at that. What will you do then, Glenn? When you make Myrken yearn for more than they have, what will you do for them? It seems irresponsible to leave them to their own devices following such a cultural revolution. Will you take up the mantle of leader once more?
Do tell.
Yours,
Egris
Tue Mar 05, 2019 1:26 am
Fri Mar 08, 2019 11:23 am
Glenn,
There is progress in every word, each interaction, and in all communication. Not solely between the pair of us. One can get glimpses into the true character of those we conversate with in every word chosen, in each lie crafted, and in all tiny reactions poorly hidden. You just need to pay more attention to the game. I’ve made a habit out of seeing any perceived weakness in my time among the court. Secrets in the right ears, even half-realized, can buy all kinds of favors. In light of that, I must admit that I will be relieved to see you finally leave Razasan behind. I am still uncertain how they have not consumed you whole without the deft protection of your allies. I saw how alone you were there; if you recall I threatened to abscond with you for your own preservation.
And my own amusement to see you among soldiers.
It also gladdens my heart to hear that my womanly enigma remains thoroughly intact. You are not incorrect that my given truth had more to do with you than me; my impressions of you more than the heart of who I am. Most people don’t notice; given that most are entirely interested in themselves. Narcissism is easily distracted. How clever you are. Yet another reason that I do not merely ignore your verbose letters. Though, there is some truth in how we see others. Or how we see ourselves through the lens of another’s scrutiny. Perhaps our mutual fascination has more to do with ourselves than we’re completely comfortable with. There is more truth in that than anything we have ever said to one another.
I am glad that you find my attempt at a parry enough, for I doubt you would gain any more than that. Not yet. We have known one another for quite some time and I do trust you with many facets of myself. But perhaps not that one. Perhaps you’ve not earned it. Perhaps no one has. You wish to know who I am, but I am not at all certain I even remember who I am without all the armor.
I must confess that I’ve long wondered what you gain from our relationship. Not from the engagement. There, I very cleverly backed you into a corner. You longed for what I could be to Myrken, back then. But now? I know you’ve no use for my position, nor what little power I claim at this juncture. Now, I’ve no idea other than a wager that you merely like the mystery. So I’ll keep it to myself if it’s all the same to you. I enjoy watching you chase your tail with your questions. I’d imagine you would grow quite bored if I give you anything truly substantial.
Surely you’ve found that almost everyone is a little more entertaining with a bit of secrecy muddying the still waters by now.
You have much time to ponder, you say. I am infinitely touched that you’d chosen me as a focus, though I’m not entirely certain why you would bother. You do recall the definition of insanity? You ask me questions, I ignore them. You taunt and goad me into action and I break our engagement out of spite. Spite and a little bit of necessity. Your opinion of me is wholly unique, you are correct. There’s no one else like you, Glenn Burnie. I think you’ll find the same for me. Still, your far away attention flatters me endlessly - at least when you’re not busy insulting me. I hope that I can continue to maintain your obsession with me with a minimum of my effort on my part. Moth to my flame.
Alright, alright. I shall stop my unrelenting teasing in light of your own honesty. I thoroughly apologize. I’ve never, ever been good at flirting.
I am trying.
Have we started something anew? I do feel as if there has been a change in our relationship. You are far more present than before, but the steps seem familiar all the same.
Now then. Imagine my stern expression at this juncture. You are wrong in your chosen shame. Your purpose in Razasan may ring false, but it is never absurd to seek out safety for the purpose of healing one’s wounds, physical or not. It is not foolish to take stock of oneself to be better able to attend to the battle at hand. You can not make gains without knowing your own faculties. I did not know you before that strange day in Myrken, but the wounds you carried were plain as day upon your weary soul. I unabashedly used it against you. No, no. You were wise to retreat when you did. Even if Razasan was a strange place to do so. Still, you are all the stronger for it; I saw that when I invaded your space yet again a year's past.
I appreciate the honest ambition in regard to Myrken. Lofty goals as always. You go to battle against monsters, hunger, despair, and disease. You sell your soul to an ideal.
I take it back.
You are foolish.Count me in.
Enigmatically yours,
Egris
Fri Mar 15, 2019 12:29 am
Wed Mar 27, 2019 7:49 am
Glenn,
You were never one to stop while you were ahead. Part of your charm. Part of why trouble finds you.
And vice versa.
Mostly vice versa.
Tsk, tsk. All this talk of hunger, surrender, and release. You are liable to make a lady blush. Alas, you had your now-unrealized opportunity when our fates were shackled together by our previous accord. All jesting aside, it is my sincere aspiration that you had not actualized just how dangerous the unintended implication of your written words. I hope that now, as a happy consequence, our arranged meeting will now be tinged with just a morsel of dread on your part. I will be certain to remark on it and not allow you to forget in the slightest. I trust you are looking forward to our rendezvous now.
You are welcome.
On another, more serious note, I do wholly understand your craving to know each and every thing that might wander into your purview. I do not quite have that thirst nor that hunger for knowledge that you do. However, I do have a particular need to know anything that others would want to keep from me. It is a character flaw, no doubt. But tell me, Glenn Burnie, what happens once you solve the mystery? What happens when there are no more answers? Do you merely move on to another?
That is a risk that I am willing to take. I look forward to disappointing you in so many ways.
How dare you presume that I will not be the one doing the waiting at the pass to Darras. Be wary, if I have a choice to make, perhaps I will leave you to cross back through Heath while I take the opposite path.
Reason and I have long since parted ways. It found my personality abrasive, I believe.
I await your further instruction with an appropriate degree of trepidation.
As Always,
Egris
Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:42 am
Fri Jul 26, 2019 1:51 pm
To my wayward darling Glenn,
I started to wonder if you would ever write again; I speculated at great length if you’d grown weary of me and our curious alliance.
I wept, I wailed, and I whined to anyone who might listen, all while wringing my hands.
Woe is me.
No. Obviously not.
I did nothing of the sort, but that is likely no great revelation to you and that blade-sharp intellect of yours. You know me well enough by now, even if the greatest knowledge to date is through correspondence. One could argue, of course, that it is easier to know someone through letters. It would be far more difficult for one to offer their vulnerable throat with eyes upon them. Distance creates a safe enough refuge from judgment that we feel safe enough to give little pieces of ourselves to one another.
I digress. I fear that I am picking up some of your more annoying habits. Perhaps I am to act as mirror so you can come to the realization that you sow exasperation wherever you tread.
At any rate, where we were? Ah, yes. My feigned distress.
Can you imagine? Do you wish I would; that I were a different breed of woman, that you were a different kind of man? Would it matter if I had actually been fretting? Would your breath catch in your throat, captured under a lump of dread, as you puzzled over your next maneuver to soothe the savage Lady who you had the poor taste to slight? I have my doubts that you’ve even had the dignity to think of our accord since making it some months ago.
No, no. I did not fret, dear Glenn, but something worse - I waited for you to send word. And waited. And I waited.
It was an opportune time to travel just a month’s past. I promised my men time spent with their families, but of course it would have to be delayed until I was called away by an annoying bureaucrat who feels as if he can save a brutal little town that does not wish his help. Alas, no call came and then men began to grumble about missed opportunities and coin. I do not enjoy being idle; especially being idle waiting for you to beckon. The longer I was idle, the more my temper grew. I am not used to being placed aside, ready at a moment’s notice. At least not for anyone other than royalty. Even then, I merely swallow my temper and it burns still. My pride is a little bruised, I admit.
Now then.
What is this about an affliction? What sort of illness troubles you? Do you need a physician? Surely there are doctors in Razasan. I travel with one, but he isn’t the best skilled, else he would be there in the city and not unconscious from overindulgence each night. But he does have certain talents. At least he does if one catches him before a certain hour of the day. Now, you’ve done it. I hardly know if I should be irritated or worried.
1.) I would never accuse you of lack of nerves. You have nerve in spades.
2.) Would you be able to talk me out of coming if it were?
3.) How comforting.
4.) I didn’t think you one to give up on anything. You seek to break the chains of the common man in Myrken. Do you find yourself shackled similarly, Glenn Burnie?
5.) No boils? Disappointing. I will be sure to tell my heart to be still upon our meeting. Nondescript is exactly my type of man.
6.) I despise magic, Glenn. Why did you not choose a different sort of illness?
7.) If death does not take my form, that must mean you do not yet fear me enough. I will take strides to rectify that shortcoming. I cannot have another taking that esteemed position from me. My pride is wounded yet again, my dear. What do you want that you do not already possess, Glenn Burnie, and why have you not claimed it?
8.) Well, that is a relief since I am mere days away from Darras.
9.) I think I’ve finally settled on worried instead of annoyed. Perhaps they’re just two sides of the same coin. You sound desperate. And troubled. You sound as if you need a friend at your back; a service I am quite honestly happy to provide. I do not fear danger, you know that. I am happy to challenge you, time and again, for as long as you have need of it.
You warn me. I will take heed, but I have never avoided trouble before and I’m unlikely to start at this juncture.
And now you bring company? Alas, I had thought to get you alone and vulnerable, but at least the company will provide better conversation. I remember Miss Tolleson, but not well. She was wise to be worried, it seems. Perhaps I could learn something from her. You have never scared me before, Glenn. I don’t see the sense in being scared off now. Especially not for reasons of truth and negligence. You’ll just have to make it up to me. Somehow.
I will see you at the pass.
Peril be damned.
Courageously yours,
Egris
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