Open Letter.

[Zata]

To all players at the Broken Dagger,

I was at work, and I did a lot of thinking. My work is good for that, it’s essentially a mind-numbing job, that requires not much brain power once you get than hang of routine, and the feel for the work. So, on a night like tonight, where I got called in to cover a shift, it gave me plenty of space to think.

I thought about the things I’ve said, the things I’ve felt, the things I’ve written. I thought about what Wendy said, and what Jen said, and what I said, what Lex and Kev and Bri and what everyone else said. Everyone has valid points. Sure. Of course, like I said, people are going to be sensitive. People are going to be sensitive that “their work sucks, and they’re not included, and people aren’t nice to them.” People are going to be sensitive that they’re being picked on, singled out, be it because they play fairies in beer steins, or vampires in political disputes.

Can the two intermingle? Not brilliantly, but it can happen. I’ve seen it happen before, the first place I played in, hell, even the second, it happened. There were all kinds of things. I was thinking about how the Dagger’s evolved, how different things have evolved, most of them, in my opinion for the better. I think the room is fantastic, I have stated this numerous times, I think that the current storylines, the calibre of character are all fantastic. Does this mean I wouldn’t welcome other things? No, not entirely. I’m always open for interesting character ideas, I enjoy them.

I’ve been angry, and defensive, and most of all passionate. It is what has always caused me conflicts wherever I have role-played in the end. I’m passionate about the art of storytelling, I’m passionate about the art of writing, and of course, the role-play itself. I always have been, I have no doubt that I always will be.

For me, there is nothing as pure as a story. There is nothing as pure and as wonderful as watching it unfold, watching the surprises as they happen. For example, when Jarek confronted met Solena, and she began unravelling the puzzle of what he was. Jarek was always a Dragon, and he always didn’t know it. He didn’t know what the tattoos were, and he’d always had flares of temper that he didn’t understand, which verged on beserking, but weren’t quite. He was different, but he didn’t know how, or why, and there’d always seemed to be this influence on his life which he couldn’t understand.

Now I didn’t expect Jarek to be… freed as it were. And no, he doesn’t have control over it, and no doubt, he may not ever gain control of himself. The point is, Solena involved herself in the plot, Solena the character, and unravelled the mystery, picked at it, influenced the story. I love this. I love watching surprises explode in people’s faces, I love it when things go wrong, or different and don’t turn out how you, or anyone else expected.

Plot and character integrity are incredibly important to me. Do I prefer intrigue, and political machinations and social interactions to straight out combat fests? Yes I do. Does this make intrigue, political machinations and social interactions inherently superior? No. It’s just my opinion. My feeling on the matter. And obviously, which I think everyone is definitely very aware of; I’m quite passionate about it.

I’ve thought about people who have discussed various things, from elitism, the formation of cliques, the fact that back story, and ‘sexy vampires’ and whatever else isn’t for them, and how it makes them feel uncomfortable. I will state again, I’m sorry for that, but I can’t help you with it. I am who I am, just as someone who has no capacity for understanding how I, and my characters interact so freely with others, I cannot comprehend how it might be difficult. I feel insecurity just like any other people, and it had a very profound impact on me that there was this apparent swathe of unhappiness amongst people, because of the way I play.

Oh, I know, there’s no specifics, and everyone is working on being very polite to everyone else, except of course, me, when I lose my temper. However, I will always be straight with people. I’m not going to lie and say I get it that you’re worried, or scared, or bored, or anything else. I don’t get it, so I’m not going to pander to it and say I do. Does this make me a horrible person? An intolerant person? It very well might, though I’ve worked very hard to become an honest person. No, not a mean person, but an honest person, and those lines can blur, I know.

People can say things differently to how they really want to when they’re angry, and when their feelings are hurt. I cannot even begin to express my displeasure over everything that has unfolded over the past few days, from the way things were handled (and yes, I’m referring to myself here as well) to the fact that the problem got this far in the first place. Yes, I play to make myself happy, but yes, I certainly hope other people enjoy it as well. Yes, I use the now famed ‘internal monologue’, which has been labelled as boring, unnecessary, and confusing for people who are ‘new’. Yes, I mean what I say when I cannot change this. I role-play to tell a story, to share it with others, to interact with others. I can play with people, which is always more fun, or I can play without people, I’ve done three hour and more long stretches of just posting by myself, because everyone else was asleep, or idling, or at school.

Its something I’ve become used to over the years, simply because I live in a different time-zone and I enjoy it for the sheer pleasure of telling a story, and it can become that much more wonderful when other people will ‘bite the bullet’ and jump right in. Now, I can hold forth, and have done, on what I think a good character or system is, on what I think a good plot is, on what I think great interaction is. But there’s little point. If you don’t understand me by now, you’ll never understand me.

Which is okay.

We can all get along, but we don’t necessarily have to agree on everything all of the time. I’m a person who thinks that you can’t make everyone happy, and that sometimes, people will always be unhappy. There are those amongst the Ops team who want to ‘fix’ this problem, to work harder than they have been to make things more accessible. I commend them for their efforts, their dedication, and their optimism.

I can’t do it. Perhaps I’m too old; perhaps I’m too tired and set in my ways. Perhaps everyone is right, and I am unwilling to change what I do for others. I’m not saying people can’t play whatever they want, and however they want, and it was certainly never my intention to make people unhappy, or make them feel unwelcome. There’s enough unhappiness and unwelcomeness in the world as it is today, we don’t need anymore.

Now it’s been mentioned around the place that Ops, those with the @ spend too much time with each other, spend too much time playing with each other, or talking with each other. To clarify, I talk to plenty of people who aren’t Ops, and yes, plenty who are. No, I don’t spend time in the #bd*ooc. I don’t like it in there. Unless it has changed markedly since my last ill-fated expeditions to it, I find the behaviour puerile, and the topics of conversation unpleasant, in short, I have better things to do with my time than listen to it, or involve myself in it, when I’m online, and role-playing, and opping, and also talking to people I know, and players with problems.

A place I used to role-play had two rooms, a front room, and a back room. The Back Room as it was called, was for the ‘serious’ role-players, there was no out-of-character allowed there, and rules were more strictly enforced. There was also a Tap-Room, this was recommended for the ‘newer’ players, and you could use Out of Character there ((like so)) and you could play pretty much whatever you want. One structured room that was multi-system, as opposed to purely ‘free-form’ in the loosest sense of the word, and one room that was pretty much ‘all things go’.

It worked relatively well, though there were some divisions and conflicts here and there between “Tappies” and “Back-roomers.” But to be honest, people will always have little disagreements, and conflicts, and feelings of superiority or inferiority – the world is a social construct, and within this construct, and the smaller microcosm of the world of online role-playing, it holds just as true that people form little ‘groups’. The best you can hope for is that there will be amicable interaction between everyone involved.

-cont-

[Zata]

-continued-

In my time here, I have been both an Op and a player, and to equal extents, I have enjoyed both of them. Yet, now, I think, I am no longer appropriate as an Op. I have no solutions for these ‘problems’, and to be completely, and bluntly honest, in closing, I have no desire to work towards them, whatever they might be.

My schedule is limited, and is about to become even more so. I’ve always viewed that time is precious. Not that my time is more important than yours on an open scale, but my time is more important than yours where I am concerned, because, well that’s the way it is for most people. I’m about to resume full-time study. I am still working my job, and then there’s my actual relationship with my fiancé, and then there’s role-playing as well. To be an OP at the Broken Dagger is to be more than simply a role-player, than an active participant, it is to make decisions on policy, on rules, on a whole bunch of other things the average person who enters the room doesn’t even think about.

Do me a favour. Think about it. Thank an Op today. I don't want your praise, but the OPs, they deserve it. Not just Wendy, responsible for the Web-page and so many other things. Not just Mongrel for all his work with the Board, and the effort and time into Pritchard. No, you go up to an Op and you show some appreciation for these people who freely divest their time to this room, this channel, and you players. I intend to, an OP guides players, an OP does more than just “kick” a spammer, an OP talks to people, I know I have. Being an OP is a lesson in politics. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. It just is.

Me? I just want to keep the politics to the role-play, to the supernatural the mind-boggling, and whatever else might occur. I have enough politics and juggling and everything else going on in my job, and my life, I no longer have the passion, inclination, or dedication to being an Op. Underappreciated? Yes, I think the OPs are. No, we don't do it for thanks, we do it for the pleasure of it, for the most part. But to hear that people, and quite a few of them, are apparently miserable, and haven't felt they could come to me about this, or speak up about it here in this forum - means that I've been wasting my time. Yes, my precious time, which I do not have enough of to sit around Opping in a room for five hours, six hours, ten hours on end, day after day, to be resented, spurned, and entirely misunderstood.

So, it is with some regret, and some relief, that I resign as an Op. For all of the ops team, past and present who I have worked with, it’s certainly been a ride, and often a fun one.

I am sure that I’ll see you all around in the #broken_dagger.

Mel,

Player of Malgorzata, Jarek, Azarias, etc.

[Vagabond]

Folks is folks, is folks, is folks.

You're never going to have a population of any sort, totally happy. Humans cannot do it. There is always going to be a minority that isn't happy. There's a thing called utilitarianism. The greatest good for the greatest majority. Sure, it's not fair. But neither is the world. And the world will not stop, and hold your hand. It'll beat you into the dirt. So, if someone is trying to help you, then you're lucky. Cause a lot of times, people won't extend that sort of helping hand.

So don't bite the hand that feeds you. Number two;

(the former was not aimed at Zata-mun, btw..)


---

Well, I hope you'll be around at least -some- of the time. I've a few nasties I'd like to throw at you plot wise. And yes, I know, you -deplore- the merc.

Woohooooo. The first reaction that I liked. Ahem. Anyways..


I hope Final Draft works for you, and that stuff goes well. And yes, it's understandable.

And being an Op sucks. (not.. that people who are Ops suck, just being one in general sucks..)

1. You're underappreciated.
2. You're underpaid. i.e. you work for FREE.
3. You're harrassed. Made fun of. Thought of as a jerk.
4. You're underappreciated (wait.. I put this in a second time. Yes. Emphasis...)
5. You do the work of three, and keep people happy.
6. You have to keep a book of Gracian's nearby at all times.
7. You have to make sure people are happy, in a world full of unhappy people. And yes, that in and of itself is a Herculean task.
8. No one is ever satisfied enough with YOUR work.
9. 8 + You can never do enough.
--

I could list more. So, yeah. I've been there, done that, never again. I totally understand.

So, thanks for being a good Op, Zata-mun.

And thanks to the rest of em too. Maybe we outta thank them more often and they won't be so grouchy, ne?

One sincere thank you, goes a long way; instead of bashing on them. They're not paid, and they work hard to make stuff fun for others.

Volunteer'd. Yes, that's right. Volunteer'd. So, think about it before you go jarring on one.