The #Broken_Dagger Forum

something's come up, so i may very well not be around much for the next few days, or week--depending on if/when the funeral happens.

needless to say, someone very very close to me has been battling with cancer for over two years now [glioblastoma multiforme--a grade iv super malignant bad bad brain tumor], and it looks like the fight's coming to an end. he hasn't eaten in three days, is on pain meds for the severe headaches which have come on suddenly, and is unconscious at present. frankly, he's suffered with this long enough.

so. when you see me, you'll see me.

and i'll miss you guys--it's been exciting lately. XD


much love,
ry

right back at you, ry, and some prayers for you and your friend. see you!

Hugs for Ry.

Take care.

i got to spend all day today with him, watching 'band of brothers' on the history channel for a while, then 'blazing saddles' on amc--i looked for a john wayne movie, but there just weren't any on.

i talked to him, apologized for stupid things, remembered good times, held his hand--he squeezed mine, and although he was unconscious, i'd like to believe that meant something. i told him how much i loved him, despite a relationship that had been strained ever since my mom passed away. alcohol changes people, you know?

i forgave him about a year before he got sick--which was why it was so hard to hear the news of his tumors. made me realize how much time i'd wasted holding onto the past, onto hurt feelings, just being selfish and stubborn.

despite the fact that i know that he's no longer suffering, i know he was scared. i saw it each and every time i walked into his room in the nursing home. saw it in every "goodbye"--that teary-eyed look that wondered if this was the last time we'd see each other.

i would have given anything to see those eyes again, just one more time. today they were closed. they were wet, but they were closed.

and an hour ago, i got a call that said he was gone. i want to think that he wasn't scared anymore. that he didn't feel alone. that he knows i was there. but i'm not so sure.

anyway, thanks guys, for the support and prayers. and sorry, i just had to ramble for a bit. i can't sleep.