She has put on a very, very brave face. For Ariane, for Catch, for Dominik and Petronela, for her mother.
But she has made a list, and she has written letters, and she knows they will be coming for her, and she knows she needs to be as strong as possible when they do. These men outside her door are trustworthy and their hearts are in the wrong place, but the evils of It and the Rhaena-thing had exploded into her heart, and she had done things --
She distinctly remembers preferring the throat, with fingers around the larynx, so she could feel it, crackling and hot like fire, hit her like a drug.
They made her do those things. Those things that her lord Kostroma had told her she could never do. And Aleksei, the only one who could take it, the only one who wouldn't quiver and twitch and roll to the ground -- Aleksei was gone. Had been for some time. Hadn't answered her letters. Hadn't come back.
And now she was Blackguard, whether she liked it or not. And one cannot come back from that; that is what Kostroma had said, and she'd seen it with her very own eyes. One can only burn, and burn, and forestall the inevitable, and burn.
Kostroma had tried to save her. He got halfway there, but was hampered by beaurocracy and only did what he could. Glenn had finally succeeded. Aleksei had sealed the deal. She was Agnieszka again.
But the Rhaena-thing had taken all of that away from her.
And now she was just wasting precious time sitting here, watching her skin knit together, and it makes her so, so angry --
And so she mends. She mends and she curses, and she tries to get up and walk to the door and she fails, and she wonders if Ariane had done this to her to save her, because she knows if she leaves, if she isn't guarded, if she does what she truly wants to do, she'll surely be chased and strung up; she knows that there have been attempts on her life --
So she does what she can. She writes letters.
Aleksei my love,
Its been months since youve written or sent word and I am so worried, I am worried sick. You should have written me as we agreed, you should have been back by now and I heard nothing and so much happened. You need to come back and you need to come back now, we need you. I need you. god DAMN IT if the Duke has you prysoner I am going to come and get you all you need to do is let me know and I will come.
And if this is some Duke's man intercepting this or reading this because you have taken my love PRYSONER then FUCK YOU VERY MUCH GIVE ME MY FUCKING HUSBAND BACK OR I WILL COME TO THESSILAYN AND LOP OFF YOUR BALLS AND FEED THEM TO MY BROTHER'S DOG
I HAVE NOT HAD A VERY GOOD MONTH AND YOU WILL NOT GET IN MY WAY.
Aleksei please tell me you are all right. That was not for you that was for the Duke's men who have obviously taken you prisoner, I am coming for you,
Yours,
Agnie
And then, one to Dulcie.
And then, considering quietly, one to Razasan, addressed to the commander of the King's Own:
My lord Kostroma,
I just wanted to say how much I apreceated your hospitallity in Razasan when I was in trouble and all of the Opportunities you gave me but in the end I failed and I was unable to stop the black from fucking me up. I have some things to do and if all is lost I will return to you and you will do what you Must.
In blood,
Agnieszka Kaczmarek River.
One to Gloria and Genny, with identical wording and lettering aside from swapped names:
Gloria,
Tell me what happened to Rhaena's body, find a wizard or someone like Aleksei, we're going to get down to the bottom of this and if you don't agree with me you are not half the amazing woman I thought you are, you are actually a turd. But I don't actually think you are a turd so please take care of it.
Ask Genny to help, she's awesome too. Unless you're both turds.
Yr friend,
Agnieszka Kaczmarek River
And then, a list:
THINGS TO DO
THE NEXT TWO MONTHS
1. Discovur what happend to Rhaena and why she was kilt or taken over and when this happend. Kill shithead responsible. String up guts in middle of town. Throw party at teahouse. TOP PRIORITY.
(1a: see about this Treadwell thing.)
2. Thank Ariane for not actually killing me when she had a chance. And for these very nice guard men that I actually do not want to punch their lights out. Get her to Help with killing the people responsible for Murdering rhaena and turning her into a monster.
3. Go to Thessilane. Get Aleksei. If not actually prisoner, KICK HIS ASS FOR NOT WRITING BACK TO ME
4. Apologize to Glenn for failing him. not like Apologies can really make up for what you did not do to save Her because it was too Late
5. Razasan. Only if all else fails.
6. Find It in Niall's body. KILL IT. Hopefully not Niall too but at this point beggars cant be choosers.
7. Not get kilt by Angry Mob while in recovery, not get Sister kilt by Angry Mob.
8. Even if I don't go back to Razasan, send message to contacts in Razasan about possible work for family. Get them the fuck out of Myrken.
9. MAKE THEM ALL PAY FOR WHAT THEY HAVE DONE.
-- -- --
(OOC: For letter to Dulcie, see other thread)