Mongo

Mongo is a relative newcomer to the Dagger, hailing from another place and time. His occupation can best be described as Bartender-Squatter. He currently has no official standing or notice of employment in the Dagger, yet can often be found behind the bar, serving drinks and meals of dubious accuracy.

Despite his being seen by everyone who orders a drink, there is no reliable description of the man - indeed, most people aren't sure if he's a man at all. Everyone seems to take away his or her own impression. The only details in which all stories agree are that Mongo is rather large, and rather stupid.

Mongo has seen it all - dragon attacks, rampaging demons, hordes of magically animated shoes (don't ask), and so on and so forth. He's come through it all with perfect equanimity. In the midst of the most furious tavern brawl, Mongo can be seen calmly polishing the bartop and dodging the odd errant missile. Nothing penetrates his stoic calm, although some would attribute that to his lack of intellect - he hasn't the wit to realise he should be worried.

Ordering from Mongo is an adventure in and of itself. Mongo always delivers, although what you receive is seldom what you ordered.

Mongo's menu is known to include the following items, subject to availability. Prices are generally negotiable, in that Mongo has no idea how to express the values in these new-fangled shillings.

Water:
Well water with leeches - newts extra
Lake water
Spring water
Genuine Spring water
Fancy Genuine Spring water (regular Genuine Spring water with expensive label)

Spirits:
White wine
Red wine (white wine with red cabbage dye)
Elven wine (white wine served in a goblet with a silly green hat)
Bloodwyne (only available during rat infestations)
Wai-en (bright pink, served in goblet with kittyears)

Meals:
(Subject to availability.)
Stoo.
Stoo with lumps.
Stoo with meaty lumps.
Stoo with lumpy meat.
Stoo with named meat.
Stoo with gamey meat.
Fluxbug Stoo.
Stoo stoo stoo stoo stoo baked beans stoo stoo & stoo.
Quiche.
Blackened Stoo Cakes.

In these times of divided loyalties, Mongo has declared himself neutral. He will serve members of any and all factions without predjudice. In return, he insists that no faction try court him, poetically proclaiming his allegiance to ale.